Soon a new direction will have to be decided upon. A choice was made to leave the security behind. Now I only mention security because it was just a financial bit that kept me planted.
It wasn’t about comfort because there was nothing comfortable about the environment. However, due to that slightest security and uncertainty about a path, there was no progress.
It wasn’t all bad. It served a purpose in the beginning of getting me out of the stagnation mire of the time. Also, knowledge is always useful and there was a lot learned over the years. Not all of it tangible, but growth in knowledge allowed for some growth of character.
However, there was always the fact that there was a desire for something else. Something of my own that was more flexible and fulfilling than staring at a screen, day in and day out, behind a desk in an office.
It took years and it would be easy to get frustrated with that fact and get lost in that frustration to the point where still no progress would be made as though you were stuck in mud. But that cannot, and will not, be an option. It can’t be. There’s a desire for success that must be explored and found.
There was, also, the simple fact of getting away from the negativity and condemnation that was tolerated day after day and year after year. No one should have to tolerate being subject to that behavior. I should correct that statement to say it was more like bullying. Adults acting like teenagers. One would have hoped people would grow up and leave that immaturity behind.
In any case, it may have been a blessing. I say this because if that hadn’t been the case, the slight security I described earlier may have kept me there. That would have been a travesty. What I really yearn for is to live on my own terms and find the happiness I’ve always wanted as the continuous goal. I hope to find that way soon and even share it with those who are interested in the path.
Candidly, it feels strange sharing all of this but I hope you are interested or even relate. If you do, maybe this will stimulate you to commence your new direction if you haven’t already.
– Chris & Ola